What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Potty Training

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You're going to be frustrated!  That's the number one thing that no one told me about potty training.  It all sounded so easy.  Do this and this and this and then your child will get it, it will all work out great and there will be flowers and unicorns everywhere.  They make it sound so easy, but it's not.

As I am writing this blog I am potty training my son.  He's almost 3.  I'm hoping and praying that he doesn't have a bad accident while I'm writing this blog.  I'll let you know at the end.  Since potty training is on my mind, I decided now would be a good time to share what I've learned.  I've read plenty of books about potty training and I've potty trained 5 children.  These are the things that I wish someone had told me about potty training:

1. You will get frustrated.  You need to plan for this.  Tell your husband that you will need his help.    We all have a limited supply of patience.  When you are potty training it is used up quickly.  When your hubby gets home he should plan on taking over and giving you a break, especially in the potty training area.  You need to refill your patience bucket before the next day.  This way you can avoid yelling at your children or your husband, or losing your mind, or all of the above.
2. Every child is different.  I had one child who potty training in 4 days.  I had one child who pottty trained in one year (and still has accidents).  There are books out there that say you can potty train in 3 days or 2 days, they don't take into account that every child is different.  There are some that are really interested in potty training and there are others that are only casually interested, and their interest waxes and wanes.
3. There are different stages of potty training.  See below.
4. Don't buy any furniture, bedding, or carpeting you love before potty training.  I'm sure you're always heard about the families that avoid buying nice things and use hand me down furniture until their children grow up.  That's us.  It saves my sanity when a child ruins something that wasn't expensive or nice in the first place.  You can also remove things that you love, or just confine your child to a place where you can handle things getting peed on.  The confining never lasts long because you have to continue with your life, so that's rarely a good solution unless your child is an unusually fast potty trainer.  Then good for you!
5. Wait until they're 3 unless they DEMAND it. When I was a new mother getting ready to potty train my second child, and remembering how horrible it was the first time, I asked a mother who had 9 children what advice she had concerning potty training.  Her best advice was to wait until the child was three.  When I asked another mother she had the same advice, wait until they are three.  I have waited until age three with all except one of my children.  My 4th child demanded to be potty trained when she was 2 1/2.  When in doubt, just wait until they are three!!!
6. NO PULL-UPS  Pull-ups are a scam by the diaper companies to try and get your money for a little bit longer.  The are glorified diapers.  They do not help children potty train, in fact, they usually keep kids from potty training because it's just easier to pee in the pull-up.  Some parents just use them at night.  I use diapers at night.  When it comes to potty training your child should be put into underwear.  Then when they have an accident, they really really feel it.
7. No little potties needed. I had a small potty that someone had given to me when I potty trained my first child.  I quickly got rid of the potty for three reasons.  First, it was gross.  I didn't want to clean up what was left inside there.  Second, it was too easy to tip over, and then I'm left with a bigger mess to clean up.  Third, it trained my child to poop and pee on the little potty, which did me no good when I was out of the house and the little potty was not available.  I have trained all my subsequent children on the regular toilet.  It makes them feel big.  I like it much better.
8. It's a family project.  Get all the children in on the potty training.  In our house when the child being trained uses the potty successfully EVERYONE gets a treat.  It's great to see the older kids encouraging, helping, even demonstrating for the younger child how to use the potty.
9. They won't potty train until they are ready.  No matter how hard you try to potty train your child, it won't work until they are ready.  It will just be frustrating to you and to them until that time comes, and you can't force it to come.  Don't be pressured by parents who brag that their child was potty trained the week after they turned 2.  It's not a race.  
10. It takes time.  The week you start potty training, don't plan on going to the doctor, going to the library, going to a play date, etc.  Stay at home, and spend time with your kid as much as possible.  It's great if you can spend time outside.  This takes the frustration out of the accidents the kids have.
11. Until it's time to potty train: practice, practice, practice.  Before they take their bath, have them sit on the potty for a minute.  When they wake up the morning have them sit on the potty for practice.  Make it fun.  If nothing happens that's fine.  If something does, does that mean they're ready? Maybe, but probably not!  If something does go into the potty, just tell them good job and go on practicing.  The more practice they have the easier the potty training will be on you.  Just make it a habit for you, your spouse and your child.

The potty training phases as I see them are:

• The child doesn't get it and will have accident after accident.  When you sit them on the potty and they pee in the potty, it's totally by accident.  They are NOT uncomfortable peeing their pants.  At this point, don't turn your back because they will pee on your carpet, couch, bed, etc.  If your child is at this point they may not be ready for potty training yet.
• The child doesn't get it and will have accident after accident, but they DO feel uncomfortable with pee in their pants and will complain and think, "something needs to be done!"  Still lots of accidents and messes to clean up.
• The child finally figures out how to pee when sitting on the potty.  This is the first major hurdle, but the child hasn't yet figured out what it feels likes when they're about to pee.  Still lots of accidents.  This is when the parents have to put their child on the potty every hour in order to avoid an accident, but accidents can't be avoided and still happen.  Some parents may feel done at this point, but they're not!  At this points the parents have been trained but not the kid.
• The child figures out when they feel like they're going to pee and tries to get to the potty on time, but usually doesn't make it.  This is the stage where parents may get really angry at the child feeling like they should have this down by now, but they don't.  Getting angry won't help.  Be an adult and hold your temper.
• The child figures out when they feel like they're going to pee and they can make it to the potty on time.  Most parents feel very successful at this point, and they should, but there's still poop accidents.
• The child figures out when they feel like they're going to poop and they can make it to the potty on time. Whew!  Now you're finally done.

The nice thing about potty training is that you only have to do it once per child.  All parents survive it, even though when you are in the midst of it, it doesn't feel like you will.  Keep Calm and Carry On!!!

Patiently Yours!

cin

Report:  One accident, no successes.

Disclaimer:  I am not a professional, just a mom with some experience, sharing that experience.  You may not agree with what I say.  That's okay.  Comments welcome.